The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
