It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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