grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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