Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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