The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He has the fingertips of a God
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