Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
