I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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