got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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