i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
