yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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