Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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