She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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