Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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