The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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