Pappa wants mamma naked
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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