my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
