there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
