thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
