pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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