Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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