Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm just crazy horny about you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
