I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
