Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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