I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
