If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so let's talk penis.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
