Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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