Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
