Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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