i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
