i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
