yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
