you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
