you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
