I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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