I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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