TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
