you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
