At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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