If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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