the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
