I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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