I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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