do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
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