did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
