I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
