Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
