I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
