dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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