I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
