when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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