I'm drive I can fine osifer
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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