New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
