You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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